Letters from Dada Land - The Champagne Maker

To Whom It May Concern:

We want to bring your attention to a most pressing issue. Whilst your brand has been established for many years and commands a great deal of respect and prestige in the champagne industry we feel we represent a growing number of consumers who are not being catered to by your company.

We have had tried many of your champagnes over the years, more than most probably, but we are increasingly disappointed with the performance of your product.

For a high end, premium champagne we expect a much better product. Upon opening the most recent bottle of Moët & Chandon the effervescence seemed appropriate, but upon further inspection we noted it fell short. It literally fell short.

You see, at most of the shows we play there is a minimum of 10’ between the stage and the crowd. We hoped your champagne would have enough power to cover this distance, it didn’t. As everyone knows, how far you can spray a bottle of champagne is a key marker of a fine product. We feel you are falsely advertising a premium product when it clearly is not. We have tried many things, Stefan had to master the double handed thumb spray (a move he invested - and it’s not easy) to counteract the weakness of your product. But enough is enough. You must understand there are customers who pay a premium for your champagne and expect a premium spraying experience.

We are open to consulting with you in the hopes that you can make a better champagne more suited to us and the growing market segment we represent.

- Dada Land Department of Consumer Affairs